As we all well know, the Europeans are years ahead of us in football. Not only do they have crazier fans, stupider costumes at big games, and cooler uniforms, not only are scarves clearly more stylish than baseball hats, now they've brought out the big guns. They set up giant screens in the main public squares and show the games to big crowds of drunk idiots. How can we possibly compete with 800 year old public squares, public intoxication and a drunken crowd mentality? Is Seattle supposed to set up a screen next to the Space Needle? Could San Francisco set up a 100 foot tall HD screen at Fisherman's Wharf, feed beer to a bunch of sea lions and let them loose on a crowd of 49ers fans? I mean, we all want to see that, but is it really possible?
I'm afraid we're screwed, America. Our mighty empire is teetering, and unless we can find something to compete with this kind of tomfoolery, our days are numbered.
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They even have enviable quotes: "Fussball ist wie Schach, nur ohne Würfel." (Football is like chess, only without the dice. From Spiegel Online International) We've got Yogiisms, but those make too much sense to compete with the likes of Lukas Podolski.
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